The main thing holding you back isn't your size or shape, it's your confidence. You wanna be stylish, but…
But you're broke. ( = Goodwill)
But you're old. ( = stripes + denim are pretty universal)
But you're chubby ( = this is America, we're all chubby! Stop whining and enjoy the club)
There are a lot of style "buts."
BUT what you need to do is find your confidence!
Confidence
You can have the best outfit on the block, but if you can’t wear it with confidence then you're like me in those naked-school-bus-test-taking dreams I used to have. For some reason in all of the “naked” dreams I had, I was the only one that ever knew I was naked. But throughout the whole dream I was so dreadfully worried they would all come to their senses and realize I was riding the school bus or taking the test NAKED! If no one else cared then why did I? So if you’re comfortable in your outfit, then just wear the thing. Stop “wearing” the outfit hanging in your closet that you “should have worn instead” and just wear the one you have on!
3 Main Reasons Why You’re Not Confident
Most of the time you’re not confident in your clothes because
You’re not comfortable in the size
You’re not comfortable in the style
You’re not comfortable in your own skin
3 Ways to Help You be More Confident
Get the right size
One thing to consider...are you tugging, repositioning, or just constantly fidgeting with your clothes? If you are then you need to take the time to figure out if you need to go up or down a size. Doing this first step may be a large portion of the problem.
Maybe you need to go up size (THAT’S OK! Don’t freak out! I'm in this club too.) Majority of the time that’s the case. How many times have you seen girls (even the skinny ones) wearing leggings and skin tight shirts and thought “Wow. Her whole body is one big wedgie.” (Or is that just me? LOL!)
On the other hand some of you are wearing baggy clothes and looking like 5th grade me. (My Tom-boy phase was a rough looking one.) Sometimes going down a size will actually help you to look smaller.
Dressing for your body type can be a big help! Not only will you look and feel better in your clothes but you'll have more of a system in mind to help you create consistent like-able outfits each time you buy new styles because you know what to shop for and what to avoid.
I've dedicated a whole blog post to help you! Check it out HERE!
Which leads into my next point...
Get the right style
And now a word from the photographer in me…
At some point in your life, preferably every year or so, take 30 minutes to really figure out your style. Here is a simple formula for you: The clothes you like + the clothes you actually wear = Your Style. It's not the clothes you like on other people or the clothes you pin on Pinterest...let me explain.
So many times I would take pictures of seniors and moms (because kids and dads don’t care) who went out and bought a whole new wardrobe just for the photoshoot. They didn’t seem comfortable in the outfits while taking pictures and I would venture to say they probably never wore them again, or at least not very often. Why is this? Maybe it was to achieve a certain color scheme for the photos, but most likely it's because they saw an outfit on someone else and thought it would look the same on them or make them feel a certain way.
I’ve learned a lot about my own wardrobe from having pictures taken of myself. If you wouldn’t want to be photographed in most of “your styles” then you might need to reevaluate what your style actually is. This is what I had to do, when I realized I was needing to borrow my mom’s clothes for photo shoots. Now I have several outfits I can confidently wear in front of the camera.
Stop comparing yourself to others and/or your fantasy self
There is always gonna be someone better and cooler than you. But be encouraged that there will always be someone dorkier than you (it's my brother-in-law. He’s dorkier than everyone.). Majority of the time I bet a lot of you are comparing yourself to your fantasy self. The You you used to be when you were younger, skinnier, more in shape. Or maybe the You you want to be, or who you hoped you would become when you bought all those #bosslady clothes or #fitgirl workout clothes on your last shopping spree. I think we’ve all done it and without even realizing it!
Pinterest and Instagram don’t make life any easier. I am fairly certain from what Instagram tells me that having six pack abs 2 weeks after a baby is completely normal and I’m the only person it hasn’t happened to. (HA!)
Can I just say that while you may think your confidence gets “stolen” by other people, you are more in control of it than you think. I followed a really popular photographer mom on Instagram for years. I loved her images and the helpful tips and tricks she would post...but after she had baby number 2 I realized that every time I would land my scroll on her posts of her perfect home birth and perfect newborn photos and perfect life I would feel kind of jealous, sad, and a little mad at her. How come she got all the things I wanted? ...Well DUH Allie, she worked hard for those things and I needed to simply stop putting her life in front of my face and comparing my situations to hers. Simple solution, I just unfollowed her.
So let me ask you, who are you comparing yourself to? That person you follow on Instagram or maybe you’re beating yourself up because you can’t measure up to the #fitgirl version of yourself you’ve created in your mind. 2 Corinthians 10:12 says "...but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise."
It's not wise to compare yourself to someone else. Everyone has something better about them and worse. Don't get caught up in pointing out your flaws so much. Sometimes you need to cut yourself a little slack. And just remember, some people might just be better at curating amazing images on Instagram so of course their life is gonna look a little cooler than yours. Who cares! Me and my best friend Britt have the least amount of pictures together because when we hung out...we hung out. We always got so caught up in having fun and catching up that we would forget to document all our really “Instagrammable” moments. LOL! (Like lattes on the beach. That was almost a weekly thing with us for a while and I don’t think we took a photo of it once! Darn! HAHA!)
You Got This!
I realize that confidence is a tricky thing and it likely won't be fixed overnight. There are a lot of factors in play…
Sometimes you're not confident because you've heard a lot of negative voices in your life. I really hate that for you! Sometimes people are real turds! As an optimist I hate negative stuff, but it's what keeps the world going. You have to learn to get past negative stuff. Can I get a little deep with you and say...if you're holding onto the negative words of someone else, then you might be being the negative person. People are turds, but mostly people are just simply busy and selfish, they don't always mean to crush your dreams. I bet that some of my old dream crushers would really be sad if they knew I let what they say get to me and crush me so hard. You just need to get past some stuff sometimes and it's hard. But that's what fun clothes are for! Clothes are in the moment, they don't last forever and you can't take them with you when you die. So you've just gotta seize the day and wear the clothes. Clothes were made to cover our nakedness, they’re a simple thing. Don’t over think the simple stuff!
How to Find Your Confidence?
write down 3 of your weaknesses
write down 3 of your strengths
OWN THEM!
I realize my blog post doesn't have the power to help you be more confident and comfortable in your own skin, only you have that power. Maybe you think you suck at everything, but I feel like you're not as good at sucking as you think. Why not encourage yourself a little today instead of thinking negatively. Take a few moments to really think about 3 of your own personal strengths. Sometimes the easiest way to do this is to start by thinking of your weakness, since we're all pretty good at knowing what we're bad at. But take a few moments to really think about your weaknesses, because a lot of times a strength is closely connected to a weakness. (Examples would be: A fun loving and carefree personality = Strength. However, a fun loving and carefree personality can easily be connected or confused with irresponsible and lazy personalities = Weakness.)
Why not let those negative voices pointing out your weakness also be your guide to help you discern some strengths! Be bold enough to write them down and thank God for your strengths and weaknesses because they make you uniquely YOU! We all have things that make us dorky, annoying, and dumb. We all have things we need to work on, and that's OK! Because confidence comes from better understanding who you are; your strengths AND your weaknesses.
Comments